wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
