put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
