Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
