I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
