Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
