Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
