remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
3 2 1 whiskey
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
last night I used snow as a chaser
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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