The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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