You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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