I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
