I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
