Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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