This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
