I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
