Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
