That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
