I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
