drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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