This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
