so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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