I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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