did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They have beer where we have blood.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
