Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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