Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
