Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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