Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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