im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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