Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
