I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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