absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
