I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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