it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish you could order shots online.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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