FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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