it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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