Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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