This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
