hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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