Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We are all done wearing pants today
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
