You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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