This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
