I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
