so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
