Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
