if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
