reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
