I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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