Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
