Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
