would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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