saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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