The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
