I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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