Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sext me about skeletons
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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