Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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