the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
