i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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