We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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