Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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