Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I believe in your delicious
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
