check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
