we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
