god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
