I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
