Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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