Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
