I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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